Loathing
by Paradoxilla
Summary: Following Josh's attack, David takes drastic action, and his family and friends are left to pick up the pieces. However, Shona senses some deeper troubles and is determined to find out what.
1. Chapter 1

David slammed the salon door shut, and shut his eyes as a few solitary tears streaked down his face. He finally looked in the mirror, and just spent the next few moments staring, unblinking, unable to collect his thoughts. Josh's ambivalence to what he'd done..everyone loving him..they didn't know the real him, like David knew him.

In the mirror, he spotted a pair of scissors sitting on the counter, and David's thoughts travelled. He had never contemplated something like self harm, but things were different now. He'd broken up with his girlfriend, and the man who drugged and raped him was roaming the street, surrounded by those who adored him.

David whipped off his jacket, snatched the scissors, opened them, and pressed the blade on his arm. However, he remained as such, unable to actually do it. His hands shook as the blade ghosted his skin slightly, travelling to his wrist. No, this was too far, it really was-

However, like nails on a chalkboard, Josh's laughter floated through the walls of the salon, joined by Tyrone's. David froze, and he no longer shook as he spotted the vague figures pass by the salon windows.

Josh. The reason for all his problems. He could picture him now, a smug smile on his face, no matter if he was talking about the weather or callously commenting on how he raped David.

And in that moment, cutting didn't seem so difficult.

David simply wanted to die

In one fluid motion, he dragged the blade of the scissors across his wrist, and blood spurred from them, instantly covering his hand and arm in a matter of seconds. The anger, sorrow, shame and resentment David felt towards Josh, himself and the world spurned him to do the same to his other wrist, although in a much more unclean fashion.

David dropped the scissors as his hands shook. Blood was now dripping to the floor, and squirting into the air, though it quickly landed on everything surrounding him. David leant against the counter, though any use of his arms only caused his body, particularly his wrists, to protest.

David closed his eyes and felt more tears slip out of his eyes and eventually, he descended into sobbing, full blown sobbing. Why him?! Why was he Josh's victim? He had done bad things, yes, but this was hardly deserved in any sense! He just wished Josh left him alone, he wished he had never met him!

Through the sounds of David's sobbing, came the sound of laughter. It was a child's laughter, from beyond the salon. Suddenly, images of Max and Lily swam in David's vision. His son and daughter, his kids..could he really make them lose another parent this way? He couldn't.

David got up, though his stance was weak. He stumbled to the door, though he had no plan for what he was to do once he got out? Go to the house? Get help? He didn't even know. He just needed to get to a place where if he couldn't call an ambulance, someone else could see him and call one.

However, that was easier said than done as he grew weaker and weaker as he approached the door. The rapid blood loss from his wrists was proving to be a great liability. He clutched the desk of the salon, his skin pale.

David's vision swam, and his hearing started to fade as objects faded from concise shapes to vague shadows. David hit the floor and his eyes closed slowly. He felt his body shutting down and his consciousness soon followed.

•

"Sorry Audrey, sorry Audrey," Maria said to herself as she headed towards the salon "god, I should not have had lunch with Carla. What was the point? I don't even talk to her anymore!" Maria searched for the key in her pocket, and was remiss to find it wasn't there.

"Oh come on," Maria sighed, searching through her handbag too for the key "you have got to be kidding me.." Maria eventually located the golden coloured key and went to unlock the salon door, but was puzzled to find it was unlocked already. She opened it tentatively, not knowing what she would find.

The first thing she saw was blood. Blood was in the back of the salon, but grew greater as it trailed to something -or someone- near the desk. "A-Audrey? David? Did one of you hurt yourselves," Maria asked, as she fully opened the door.

She let out a deafening shriek as she finally saw David, passed out, face down, in a pool of blood, with his wrists offering more of it as the puddle grew bigger. Maria fell to her knees, not caring if they got ruined, and turned David over to face her.

"Oh my god, David," Maria gasped as she saw the jagged slashes in David's wrists. She whipped out her phone and called an ambulance.

"Please, somebody I know has slit their wrists," Maria exclaimed into the phone "yes, Audrey's salon, Coronation Street." Maria was surprised somebody hadn't wandered in from all the noise she was making. But as soon she thought this up, she saw a shadow appear from behind her.

"What's with all the noise- oh my god," Rita exclaimed as she wandered in, but Maria turned to the elderly woman pleadingly, as her hands tried to grasp anything she could to stem the blood flow.

"G-Go get Gail, Audrey, all of them," Maria ordered, her face slick with tears "go, now!" The woman nodded, clinging closely to her jacket, as she jogged quickly to the Platt's house, dreading bringing the news to the house.

It was Gail who answered her with a smile, but it dissolved when she saw Rita's solemn face. "Rita, love, what's happened," Gail asked, and Rita walked in hurriedly, to see Bethany and Sarah gathered around the sitting room, watching television, with Max and Lily on the floor.

"Sarah, Gail, you have to come to the salon," Rita said with a grim face "just please come. Bethany, love, you watch the kids, alright?" The two women looked confounded, but came anyway, with Bethany looking bewildered, though she remained on the couch.

Gail and Sarah demanded explanation, but Rita refused to give it to them. How could she? How could she tell them David has slit his own wrists to try and kill himself. As they reached the salon, Rita squeezed each of their shoulders comfortingly as they reached the salon door.

Sarah's reaction was a screech, covering her mouth, while Gail's eyes went large and she shook her head, falling to her knees next to Maria, who had placed towels beneath David's wrists, though they were quickly becoming drenched with blood.

"What happened," Gail demanded to Maria, who had calmed herself, but was still hiccuping.

"I-I found him like this," Maria said "a-and these.." she held up a pair of scissors that had specks of blood along the blade. Gail covered her mouth in horror, as Sarah went into another series of sobbing.

People were beginning to gather around the salon entrance, muttering, though most in shock and horror. Sarah attempted unsuccessfully to shoo them away, as most remained.

Shona had noticed the commotion as the ambulance came roaring down the cobbled street. Roy had sent her to see what the matter was, and with a sinking heart, she noticed the ambulance stop outside the salon with a large crowd surrounding the entrance, that parted for the paramedics.

Shona jogged over, and the crowd parted for her too, something that made her stomach clench. Did something happen to David? Why did they let her through, of all people?

She took in the sight of David, bloody, unconscious pale with a gasp. Her boyfriend -well, ex boyfriend-, was with slashed wrists in the salon, with his family and friends crying. How was she to react? She joined Sarah's side, shaking.

"W-What happened," Shona croaked and Sarah let out a quivering breath.

"They, uh, found him like this," Sarah explained, gesturing to David "h-he c-cut his.." she ended the sentence prematurely with a round of sobbing, and Shona shook her head.

"H-He...he wouldn't..he couldn't.." Shona refused to believe David would do such a thing. But with David in front of her like this, what was she supposed to believe?

The paramedics loaded David into the ambulance with everyone watching. They agreed that Gail should go in the ambulance with him, while Shona would follow on in a taxi. Sarah would do the same later, but Bethany and Audrey would have to have everything explained to them as soon as possible. Bethany was at home while Audrey was out with a friend.

As the ambulance pulled away, Shona didn't move like the rest of the crowd, instead opting to stand beside the salon, which was still covered in blood. Shona's eyes raked over the salon, the scissors which still lay on the floor and the people going to the pub or their places of work. Deep in her heart, Shona knew David wouldn't do this, no matter how hard things got. Something exceptionally bad must've happened to cause him to do this.

And Shona was determined to find out what.


	2. Chapter 2

The gentle beeping of the many contraptions surrounding David filled the room, as Gail, Sarah and Shona sat around him. Silence between the women was smothering. What would they even talk about, really? The only thing on their minds was David; his suicide attempt yesterday, more precisely.

Why had he done it? It seemed so sudden. A few weeks ago he was what David typically was, but within the time since then, he'd dumped Shona, become alienated from his fiends and family, and done this. It didn't make sense. Not to any of the women.

A gentle knock broke the quiet, and all three heads turned to see Josh entering the room, cat-like and quiet. "Sorry..if this is loved ones time, I can come back later.." however, Gail waved his insecurity away with a tight smile.

"Not at all Josh, come in," the woman smiled and Josh sat beside Sarah, close to David's bedside. He squeezed her hand with a soft smile, and placed a card on his bedside, looking bashful.

"It's not much..I was never that good with getting presents, so this was the best I could do," Josh admitted "once he's up and running again, I'll make sure to get him something proper." Sarah smiled at that.

"He'll really appreciate that, Josh," Sarah said, rubbing his knuckle "you've been a really good mate to him lately...has he..ever said something? That he'd do something like this?" Josh shook his head.

"No," Josh sighed, placing his hand on David's like he would a friend "if he did, I'd've told you, really..all we can hope now is that he gets better.." Gail nodded in agreement, with a barely present smile.

"When he wakes up, all of us will support him," Gail said and the four occupants of the room nodded at her words "we can get therapists, people who can help him..whatever he needs.."

Shona hadn't realised how close she was to crying until she blinked back tears. The man she loved lay in a bed before her, after a suicide attempt. Why hadn't she noticed something? What was so wrong with her to not see the problems that plagued David? All she knew was that she was going to help David anyway she could, whether he wanted or liked it or not.

"I might get a coffee," Sarah uttered quietly, wiping her face with her sleeve "anyone want to join me?"

"I will and all," Gail sighed, and turned to Josh and Shona "we'll be back soon, alright?" Josh and Shona both nodded with a smile as Sarah and Gail both left quietly, as not to disturb anyone.

The silence that settled between the pair solidified like ice, begging to be broken by something. Finally, after looking between the two for a short time, Shona cleared her throat.

"So, uh, I won't be able to make the boxing match," Shona said thickly "obviously..I'm sorry for the inconvenience." She couldn't even bear to say the words 'suicide attempt' or 'kill himself' aloud. They just conjured up memories of when she first walked in, seeing his body bloody and the distress of the situation.

"No, no, don't worry about it," Josh said, patting her knee "I'll find someone for Maria to fight. How can we expect you to fight after this, really?" Shona managed a small smile at Josh's kindness.

"Thank you Josh," Shona sighed, leaning back into the chair, her eyes fixed on David. The thought of him not having been found..dying in the salon, was too much to bear in that moment and she rose from the chair, swiping at her eyes.

"Listen, I'm just stepping out for a moment," Shona explained to Josh, but didn't grace the man with a look "I'll be back in a minute, alright?" Josh nodded, and once Shona had shut the door behind her, he was left alone with a comatose David.

The room was silent save for the various sounds emitted by the machine, and Josh's occasional sighs. But all of that was quickly quashed by David's groans as his head turned slowly.

Josh sat back, with a smile on his face as David cracked open his eyes, his wrists still aching. Where was he? As he took in the sterile walls around him, he realised he was in the hospital. So he failed his attempt. He was happy he had survived for his kids, but there was a tinge of sadness that he had survived.

Josh cleared his throat and David visibly stiffened. Josh raised an eyebrow even though David couldn't see and stated simply "you all gave us quite a fright yesterday." David swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Get out," he croaked, his bottom lip quivering from emotion. Sadness? Anger? Fear, even? All of them probably. Josh shook his head and stood up, and leaned towards David, looming over him.

"This," he said, gesturing to bandages around David's wrists "is a good way to stay quiet. Just make sure you do it right next time." David saw the dark glint in his eyes, but before he could say anything, Josh was striding out of the room.

Outside of the room, Shona, Gail and Sarah were having deep conservations by the coffee machine, but they all ceased as Josh approached him. "I have to go, but, uh, he's awake," Josh said to them, and Gail and Sarah rushed to the room while Shona stayed behind to thank Josh before he left.

As soon as Gail and Sarah entered the room, Gail collapsed in a chair nearest to David, her face already slick with tears, while Sarah wore a relieved smile. They were wordless, but their faces said everything they couldn't vocalise.

Shona entered the room, but didn't sit down, instead standing at the foot of David's bed, wearing a conflicted expression. David couldn't bear to look at any of them, how could you? How could you look at your family after trying to kill yourself?

"You gave us all quite a fright," Gail stated quietly, placing a hand on David's arm, stroking it gently "but we're happy you're awake now." David didn't reply, just stared straight ahead at the ceiling.

"Audrey, Bethany and Gary will be by to visit later," Sarah stated, her hands resting between her thighs "they all know already, so you won't have to explain anything.." Shona could sense David's discomfort and was relieved for him when his doctor walked in.

"Mr. Platt, you're awake," she said with a smile "you are stable, but we would like to keep you in for another twenty four hours to assess your mental health." Shona could see the extremely slight stiffening of David's jaw when he heard this.

"Nothing's wrong," he said quietly and the doctor smiled politely.

"We would still like to keep you for another twenty four hours," the doctor said "you'd still be free to have visitors, like today." Sarah smiled at this.

"Yeah," his sister said with a tight smile "us three, Gary, Bethany, gran, Josh, we could all still visit you." That was when David finally spoke the loudest he had since he woke up.

"I don't want Josh coming around here anymore," David stated, to the surprise of Shona and his family "in fact - all of you, get out, I don't want any of you here!" Gail opened her mouth in shock at this and shook her head, while Sarah helped her out of the chair, her eyes filled with tears. David turned his head to avoid looking at his mother and sister, and Shona started following them. She desperately wanted to cry, scream and ask him what happened, but decided it would be better to just leave silently and check up on how he was doing tomorrow.

She said it before and she'd say it again: whether David needed or wanted her help, he was going to get it regardless.


	3. Chapter 3

David watched as Sarah and Gail rushed around him in the hospital room, making sure to leave the room clean before they left. A lovely gesture, but it's not like he threw a party, was it? He just spent the last day lying in the room, trapped with his thoughts. A pretty tame activity.

"David, are you ready," Gail asked gently "there's a taxi outside for us." David shifted on his feet, clad in loose clothing, before walking forward, with Sarah and Gail flanking him.

Leaving the hospital was a blur. David was sure he was lectured by a doctor for a few minutes, but all David offered was empty stares and grunts. Gail rubbed his shoulder but he instantly shrugged her touch off. He really, really, did not want to be touched.

Eventually, they were in the taxi. A kind faced man was talking to Gail about something. What it was, David didn't know. The man was probably talking to her to alleviate her downtrodden spirit that seemed to be the first noticeable thing about her.

Sarah turned to David and inhaled deeply before speaking. "The kids are excited to see their dad again," Sarah noted, her voice thick with emotion "and Bethany's excited to see her uncle."

However David simply stared out the window, his head resting against the glass. He didn't feel like responding. Although the initial reaction was fear for the kids without him, David knew that they'd be better off without his constant misguided anger and resentment.

As they turned the corner and passed by the salon, David saw for a single moment the inside of the salon. It had been cleaned up a bit, but the blood was still quite obvious. David was sure people would be looking over their shoulders at him, whispering about him, gossiping about him. That was the way of the street.

The taxi came to a gentle stop outside the house, and Gail paid the driver, before emerging from the vehicle and opening the door for David. He wasn't an invalid, why was she treating him like one? Regardless, however, she stepped out into the street, and was glad that nobody was out, walking around.

"Thank you, see you," Gail said to the taxi driver as he roared away from the street. Sarah and Gail again flanked David as he crossed the street. David chanced a gaze at the garage and was glad to see Josh wasn't there. He really did not want to deal with his constant presence imposing on his own.

David entered the unnaturally still house and was met with Bethany on the couch with a soft smile, and Gary and Audrey talking in the kitchen. However, once they realised David was there, their conversation ceased. Sarah and Gail came in after him, and Sarah dropped into the couch next to Bethany while Gail muttered something about tea.

"So mate, how're you doing?" Gary eventually broke the silence in a soft voice, and David simply gave him a blank stare. Was that really a question? How was he doing? He'd slit his wrists, that was a clear indication of how he was doing.

"The doctor recommends therapy," Gail said, as if it was something the whole family had to have consensus on. David shook his head, which caught his mother's attention.

"I'm not going," David said gruffly, and everyone turned to him as if he had grown a second head "I'm not going, you can't make me."

"David, please-"

"No," David said finally "end of discussion." David turned to walk upstairs, when Max and Lily entered from the back garden. Max saw him and ran forward, hugging him tightly, while Lily did the same with a small shriek of excitement.

David accepted their hugs and placed his hands around them, but he couldn't exert himself too much. His body ached from lack of activity, and his wrists especially. Lily stepped back and pointed to his bandaged wrists.

"Wha's happened? Did you hurt yourself," Lily asked and David could literally feel the air in the house turn frigid and Gail let out a few strangled sounds trying to form an answer for the kids.

"Yeah," David answered, cutting Gail off before she could spout anything "I'm fine now though." Lily nodded with an innocent smile, while Max stepped back and ran upstairs. Audrey coaxed Lily away with the promise of sweets if she coloured her a nice picture. Gail took this opportunity to descend on David with a disapproving glance.

"David, you need to see someone," Gail insisted quietly, trying to avoid saying anything that Lily or Max could hear "David, you can't just avoid something like this." David shook his head, exhaling sharply.

"It was a mistake, I don't need to see anyone," David replied simply, rubbing his face and Gail raised her eyebrows at her son, before gesturing to David's bandaged wrists.

"So this was just a mistake," Gail asked quietly, her eyes wide "so all of this was one huge accident, was it?" David felt anger rise in his gut and he didn't have the energy to quash the feeling.

"Would you leave it," David hissed, clenching his fists, however Gail had no such intention and inhaled deeply.

"We can't just leave it," Gail said quietly, but then looked to the ceiling "but for now, you can get settled. But this conversation isn't over." David nodded, his eyes dropping to the floor. Gail gave him a final look before walking to the kitchen to talk to Audrey in hushed tones.

There was a knock at the door, and David didn't react, instead choosing to keep his eyes fixated on the floor, almost as if it served a purpose. Sarah answered the door and she said "oh, hi Shona. Come in, please."

David tore his eyes away from the floor to see the brunette walk into the house awkwardly, like simply being in David's presence caused her strain. David knew all eyes were on them, but once he looked in the general direction of everyone else, they returned to whatever they had been doing.

"I, uh, just came around to see how you were doing," Shona explained, quietly, wringing her hands together "happy to be out of the hospital?" David gave her a peculiar look.

"This isn't much better," David said bluntly, and felt a kernel of guilt in his gut when he saw Shona wince at his words "sorry."

"It's fine," Shona laughed awkwardly, rubbing her neck, and then jerked a thumb at the front door "I, uh, best be going back to the cafe. Hope you feel better David." Shona then waved goodbye to the rest of the family before exiting the house, leaving David staring at her back.

"Gary, why don't you take David's bag upstairs," Gail suggested, though her words had a more insistent tone "while we-"

"I can take them up myself," David interjected with a dark look "I'm not an invalid." Sarah looked away in discomfort while Gail gazed at her son, her lips thin.

"The doctor said not to do anything to upset your..injuries," Gail reminded softly, though her gaze held firmness "we aren't trying to coddle you, David. We just don't want you to end up in hospital again!" David scoffed at his mother's words.

"Yeah, right! For the next few months, all of you're going to be around me like flies, questioning every little thing I do," David accused, his eyebrows furrowed, unable to contain his emotions "you can't keep an eye on me all the time!"

"Well _of course_ we're going to watch you closely," Gail exclaimed, and wasn't able to control what she said next "you tried to kill yourself!"

The atmosphere turned from uncomfortable to downright unbearable for everyone. Gail realised what she said and bit her lip, but compelled herself not to take it back or apologise for it; why should she? He had to realise that this was the way they'd be acting for the next few months! David simply let out a humourless chuckle and stared at her.

"I'm never going to be David again, am I," David asked rhetorically "I'm just going to be your son, the freak who tried to kill himself." Audrey chose this time to rise from the chair, sending Lily to the garden.

"Oh come now, David-"

"No gran," David hissed "I'm not listening to any of this! I'm going upstairs." David snatched the bag from the floor, and hitched it over his shoulder, anger radiating from him. He ascended the stairs, two steps at a time, before entering his room and slamming the door shut.

David threw his bag against the wall and was sure that it would be heard downstairs. But he just didn't care. He didn't care about this! About any of them watching him like he was dying! He didn't care!

David sank into the bed and felt tears in his eyes, which he swiped away angrily. He felt a stinging in his wrists and looked at them. No blood, he was glad for that, at least. Though, the more he stared at his bandaged wrist, he wondered:

Would it have been better if he had succeeded?


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, David was reluctant to open his eyes. He was reluctant to face the world. He didn't want to, especially his family. They'd silence themselves as soon as he descended the stairs, and give him sympathetic glances. That thought terrified him.

Eventually, after twenty minutes of staring at the ceiling, trapped with his own thoughts, David threw his legs over the bed and rubbed his face. He hadn't gotten much sleep. His dreams consisted of..he couldn't even remember, but it terrified him. He got dressed slowly, hearing the noise from below him and laughter.

David slowly wandered to the door and eased it open, and a wave of noise met him. He reached the landing of the stairs and wanted to continue on, but his body refused to cooperate. He felt like he was being forced not to go, like his body was on mutiny and refused the orders from his brain.

He eventually took one step down the first step, and everyone's voices became clearer. He would hate if someone eavesdropped on him, but he was sure that they were talking about him, so he had to, he had to.

"...yes, and she's booked in for two hours! The neck of her..."

"...and I don't mean to be crude, but she could really take some hints.."

"...I'm worried about him. I know we all are, but this was so sudden..."

The last voice was Gary's, to Sarah's. Huh. He's come a long way from beating him up, David could credit him with that. But he had no right to talk about him. Quickly, he bounded down the stairs, which silenced all conversation, as if David's presence imposed on them.

David walked forward and rolled his eyes as everyone's eyes followed him. "Take a picture, it'll last longer," David snapped, and he saw Bethany turn to the table in his peripheral vision. Gary and Sarah continued talking quietly, eyeing David to ensure he wasn't hearing anything.

Gail held a cup of tea in her hands, and exchanged a look with Audrey, before standing beside David as he put the kettle on. Silence settled between them, before Gail began speaking.

"Gary's offered to take you out on the town," she said, tapping her steaming coffee cup, nodding to the ginger man as he laughed with Bethany "I think you should go." David rolled his eyes at her proposal.

"No," David said flatly, his eyes remaining on the kettle as he poured the boiling water into the waiting cup "I don't feel like going out." Gail sighed and stared at the floor.

"Alright," Gail sighed, but then leaned into David's ear and whispered "but please do think about it, please." David made a non-committal sound and Gail went to the table, joining the conversation with ease.

David eventually wandered back upstairs when he grew tired of being the subject of sideways glances and awkward smiles. He slammed his bedroom door shut and rubbed his temples. What he wanted was to be alone.

Almost running downstairs, David landed on the floor with a bang and his family turned to him in surprise, their eyes wide. "I'm going for a walk," David grunted, pulling his leather jacket on himself "I'll be back in a while." Sarah was going to suggest something, but David had already left before she could even interject with her own proposal.

However, as soon as David reached the door, he froze. Opening the door, he'd be met with the street. Everyone would be out. The weather was good. They'd stare at him, make small talk. And of course, Josh would just be across the street, not feeling any guilt for what he had done to David, for what he had caused.

David opened the door cautiously, as if something dangerous lay on the other side immediately. Then again, dangerous was an apt description for Josh. Luckily for him, Josh wasn't anywhere to be seen.

David rotated his head to gaze at the street in it's totality. As expected, everyone was out, shopping, working, the usual things. However, as soon as David came into full view, the street seemed to freeze, and David could feel all eyes on him.

Angered, David strode towards the salon, eyebrows furrowed. He didn't need their pity, or his sympathy. And he especially didn't need them gawking at him like he was some freak at the circus. He just wanted to be left alone.

As David passed by the salon, Maria rounded the corner and bumped into him. She stumbled back and her expression was angry. "Watch where you're- oh, David," Maria said, her anger turning to surprise, then to sympathy "how's things?"

David didn't appreciate her halfhearted attempted at what he assumed was a sense of obligation to talk to him on her part. Shaking his head, he continued onwards, and although he didn't plan it, he ended up entering the cafe.

The atmosphere of the cafe was relaxed, but he swore could feel it turn icy as soon as he entered. People couldn't even see him! But he knows what he can and can't sense. Walking out from behind the wall that stood before the door, he saw her. Shona was behind the counter, humming as she cleaned.

She looked beautiful. David always thought she looked beautiful, regardless of circumstance. He loved everything about her, honestly. Her beauty, her sense of humour, her laugh...everything. But he couldn't stay with her, not with what's happened. It would be cruel to force her to resign to a life of almost robotic companionship with him. David hadn't take a single step forward when Norris spoke to him, from the table he was at, while Rita sat across from him, eyes wide.

"Oh hello David, good to see you out of hospital," Norris said politely and David ignored him "did the doctors figure out what was wrong? Depression, perhaps?" David was about to give the man a cutting remark, but Rita beat him to it.

"Norris, you crude, nosey, little man," Rita said, slapping Norris' knuckles lightly, and then she turned to David "forgive him, David, he tends to not know the limitations of social interactions." David gave Rita a curt nod, and took another few steps forward and he heard the pair bicker behind him.

Shona looked up, expecting to see any old customer but froze when she saw David. Immediately dumping whatever she was holding into the sink, she almost ran forward and took a deep breath.

"Hi David," Shona said quietly, and forced herself to not tell Norris off, who was watching them with interest from his table "everything ok?" As soon as the words left her lips, Shona cursed herself. Of course he wasn't ok.

"Yeah, I just, uh.." David, truthfully, didn't know why he came here. Probably to see Shona again. Yes, that was it certainly. He hated being separated from her, but what was he to do? Stay with her and keep her emotionally and physically distant? She didn't deserve that.

"You what," Shona asked after David trailed off "if you need help with anything, I'd be happy to do whatever you need." David looked behind Shona, tears swimming in his eyes at her helpfulness. Helpfulness he didn't deserve.

"I-Its nothing," David whispered, his voice quivering "sorry for coming." David stormed out of the cafe, despite Shona calling him back. David however, refused to follow what she was saying and started to briskly walk back to the house.

Tears threatened to spill from David's eyes with every step he took. He just wanted to shrivel up into a ball and never see light again. He didn't want to be alive at that moment, he just wanted to die. But the thought of his kids quickly quashed such a desire.

He reached the door within a matter of seconds, but that's when he saw him. Josh, at the garage, with Tyrone laughing in the background with Kevin. Josh however, wasn't laughing with them. His eyes were on David as he entered the house. And, with his eyes on David's, he winked.

David immediately felt bile rise in his throat at the sight of the man's twisted flirtation, and ran inside the house, slamming the door shut so hard it shook the house. He panted, tears now streaking down his face from a combination of Shona and Josh. He heard his family say something amongst themselves, and he knew they'd soon ask him what was wrong.

No, he was not having that.

Running into the living room and up the stairs, he slammed the door shut of his bedroom once inside. Sitting on the bed, he grabbed a pillow and placed it over his face, and began howling into it, refusing to let his sobs be heard.

He cried all the time. He cried before he went to bed most often, and planted his face in the pillow to stifle the sound. Why did this have to happen to him? He wouldn't wish this on anyone else, except maybe Josh. The worst part about the whole ordeal was that he could still feel every part of it. It would never leave him, no matter what he did.

After crying his eyes out, David looked up with red, puffy eyes. The door to the bathroom connected to his room was slightly ajar, and on the sink, sat a razor, which glinted in the sunlight.

David told himself while in hospital that he would never ever try anything like it again. For his kids, he would live for them. But at this point, he was useless as a father. His function was void, when the rest of the family practically raised the kids more than David.

Slowly ambling to the bathroom, the razor looked more appealing the closer he got to it. He could imagine it now, the stinging, the thin, scarlet line which would sit on his arm. He really could.

Taking it in his shaking hands, he turned it over to inspect it. He didn't even care whether it was dirty really, he was going to use it anyway. Taking a deep breath, he pressed it to his arm and dragged it, in one fluid motion.

The feeling was instant. His arm burned as blood began to leak from the large cut that dominated his arm now. He hadn't intended to make it so big, but he was happy he had. He finally could control something in his life. And he could make sure it didn't kill him this time.

However, a shriek from behind him caused David to drop the razor in the sink with a clatter, and turn on the ball of his foot to see Sarah at the door, her hands over her open mouth, crying.


	5. Chapter 5

David looked between the door and Sarah, who was frozen in her stance. David opened and closed his mouth, finding nothing to say to his elder sister. What was he to say? He dropped it and it just so happened to cut him along the arm? It was clear what had happened, and Sarah knew it.

Sarah rushed forward, and turned on the tap. She yanked David's arm underneath the stream of water, tears swimming in her eyes. Normally any kind of skin to skin contact made David recoil like he'd been burned but he was in a state of numbness. He'd been seen, by his sister no less. His sister who currently had tears running down her cheeks, and was trying to stem the blood flow somehow.

After what seemed like hours, the bleeding had stopped but the stinging remained. David fell back into the bed, the underside of his arm upturned so he could stare at the cut, which was now a fine pink line. Sarah was pacing, rubbing her face and sniffling occasionally.

"You're going to have to tell them," Sarah eventually uttered and before David could interject with a refusal, she said firmly "I mean it David. It's for your own good. Either you can say it yourself or I'll have to tell them." David didn't respond. Instead, he focused on the cut in his flesh that dominated his arm.

Sarah muttered "right", and walked to the door but then stopped and looked at David before uttering "don't hate me for this David, please." David didn't say anything, and remained the same as Sarah descended the stairs.

It wasn't hard to decipher when the family heard the news about David. He had heard Audrey let out a sound of shock mixed with pain, Gail gasped loudly, Bethany exclaimed "what?!" and Gary proclaimed "you can't be serious!" David lay back on his bed, his hands covering his face.

He felt like crying. He felt like screaming. But he was just too exhausted. He stayed with his hands on his face, lying on the bed, for a while. He didn't know time wise, but it was long enough for Sarah to finally ascend the stairs, and stand at the doorway.

There was a delicate silence between them. David didn't speak because he didn't want to. Sarah didn't speak because she feared David's reaction to her telling the family about what had just transpired. "David," Sarah finally said, her voice weak "mum wants to talk to you."

"Get out," David replied quietly, staring at the ceiling after laying his hands at his sides "just leave." David was too weak to keep conversation with Gail, or Sarah, or any of them.

"David, I-"

"I SAID GET OUT," David roared, remaining horizontal on the bed's surface, staring at the ceiling. Sarah didn't say anything, but the sound of her footsteps getting quieter and quieter indicated that she had done as David said. David felt his chest clench with emotion, and he let out a weak sob, a result of forcing his emotion being quashed.

The worst part was though, was that he didn't feel bad. He was angry at himself, yes. Angry at himself for getting caught.

•

It was hours later that David began to feel claustrophobic within his own room. He knew his family were probably waiting for his eventual return, and he dreaded it. He should've expected it for much longer. He'd been caught in the act of self harm, and with the current circumstances, his family would be overly smothering towards him.

Eventually, he rolled off the bed and ambled towards the bedroom door. However, as soon as he was about to open it, an overwhelming fear took him. His heart rate quickened, he was sure his heart was about to break the ribs from the intensity.

He forced himself to open the door, and as a result, it was slammed open. He heard the clattering of cutlery immediately afterwards and heard the conversation below halt. Of course. Everything had to stop for him, lest he shatter. Exhaling deeply, he traipsed down the stairs and once he reached the bottom step, he finally caught sight of everyone.

Sarah looked at him, almost fearfully, as if he were going to rip her head off for telling everyone about the incident earlier. Beside her, Gary gave him a neutral look, no hint of emotion on it. David could appreciate that at least.

Bethany avoided his gaze awkwardly, choosing instead to focus on a surprisingly interesting thread of fabric that hung from her sleeve. His niece's eyes were glassy with tears, he noticed, and for a short moment, there was a twinge of guilt in his guilt, but that was immediately vanquished.

Audrey gazed at David for a short moment, but quickly averted her eyes when David's connected with hers. His mother meanwhile, just stared at the table, like David had done something majorly grievous to cause her aversion.

There was a tense, awkward silence, before David broke the quiet, albeit with a soft voice. "So, is this our lives for the foreseeable future, or.." David trailed off, and Gail picked the end of it up with an answer, though she looked immensely conflicted.

"Yes, David, it seems it is," Gail whispered, finally facing him from where she was sitting. She paused for a moment before adding "I've been researching therapists-"

"Mum, I'm not hearing it," David said gruffly, brushing past his grandmother to gain access to the kitchen "I'm not talkin'." He pulled out a plate to prepare some food, but Gail was relentless. Why was he preparing food? He didn't know, he was still full from the last meal. It was probably to occupy him, his mind.

"David, you've tried to commit- you've cut your wrists, and you've cut again," Gail said softly, though her resolve was strengthened with each word "you need help. It could help." David shook his head rapidly.

"No," David said firmly, gripping the plate so tightly his knuckles turned white "I'm not talkin' to some shrink just for him to tell me I'm sick in the head!" Gail exhaled deeply, refusing to give up.

"David, they are trained," Gail informed, placing her hands in her lap "trained to help people deal with problems. They understand this type of thing!" In an instant, David's eyes were filled with a fire, and he threw the plate at the wall, shattering it into a million pieces, which scattered across the floor.

"NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND," David screamed, placing his hand against his temple, with his eyes wide "NOBODY COULD EVEN POSSIBLY BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, NONE OF YOU-"

He paused his rant when his eyes landed on Bethany. No, nobody could understand, except for her. He remembered at her trial, he swore he'd kill anyone who ever touched his niece, or anyone he valued. But he was that person now, and he couldn't face it. It was different! She was a young teen girl, targeted by a master manipulator, while he...wasn't! He was weak. So weak!

"..none of you could ever begin to understand," David said softly, barely above a whisper, tears leaking out of his eyes at the end of the sentence. A delicate silence settled between everyone, and David shook his head, pushing past Audrey, who didn't dare touch him after that outburst, no matter how much she wanted to. As he walked, he swiped furiously at his eyes, trying to prevent himself from crying as much as he could.

Once inside his room, he shut the door, and pressed his back against the door and cried into his hands. Why couldn't he do anything right? He was too weak to fight Josh off that night, he was too weak to deal with it, he was weak! In that moment, if he wasn't too exhausted emotionally and physically, David would've tried -and succeeded, he knew- to kill himself.

Eventually, his eyes came to rest of the toilet, gleaming from a beam of light somewhere. David felt the nausea in his stomach increase, and forced himself to stumble to the toilet, and collapse against that, waiting for the inevitable round of vomiting.

But it never came, instead remaining there, taunting him almost. He needed to get sick, but why wasn't he? Inhaling deeply, David knew that if he was going to get sick, he'd have to take initiative. Calming his heart, he jammed two fingers down his throat without hesitation.

Almost immediately, the nausea was rising to his throat and David was barely able to retrieve his fingers before vomit came tumbling out of his lips, staining the shine of the toilet.

After lurching into the toilet for what seemed like hours, David collapsed against the wall, breathing heavily. A stain of vomit lay on his shirt, but he didn't care. He simply sat there, too weak to do anything.

The burning in his throat and torso gave way to a strange feeling in David. He felt..strangely fulfilled, somewhat. He felt in control. He didn't feel as though Josh was affecting him anymore. How long would it last? He didn't know. But he felt as though he had finally exerted some control over himself.

David finally smiled, the first time in many weeks, as his throat continued flaring in pain.

But David would wait for it to die down.

He'd have to get used to the feeling of pain, because he was going to do this again, he knew that for certain.


End file.
